The Warrior Monk Men’s Group is HERE!

What Is a Men’s Group? Probably Not What You Think.

Let’s address the elephant in the room!

When I tell some men that I run a men’s group, I can almost see the image forming in their heads. It’s like the scene in Fight Club where Edward Norton is being hugged to death by “Bob” (played by Meatloaf). It’s twelve guys sitting in a circle, holding hands, crying into one another’s shoulders, singing Kumbaya, and discussing their feelings for ninety straight minutes, with nothing truly meaningful being accomplished, while somebody passes around a “talking stick.”

Relax! That’s not what we’re doing!

Now, will we talk about feelings? Absolutely. We’re grown men, not emotionally constipated robots. But the Warrior Monk Men’s Group is not built around sitting in a circle endlessly discussing how everything makes us feel while accomplishing absolutely nothing about it. My approach as a therapist and coach is much more direct than that. I want to understand what is happening, why it is happening, and then figure out what the hell we are going to do about it!

Sometimes a man needs a place where he can finally say, “This fucking sucks,” and have somebody respond with something other than, “Have you tried just not thinking about it?”

Sometimes he needs to talk about his marriage falling apart, losing a parent, struggling as a father, getting his ass kicked professionally, feeling isolated, fighting an addiction, dealing with trauma, carrying anger he doesn’t understand, or realizing that despite checking every box society told him to check, he still feels miserable.

There is enormous value in being heard, understood, and validated. There is value in discovering that something you thought made you uniquely screwed up is something several other men in the group have experienced too.

But that is where the conversation begins. It is not where it ends.

Once we understand what hurts, the next question becomes: What are you going to do about it?

If your marriage is struggling, what conversation are you avoiding? If anger keeps getting the better of you, what happens in the thirty seconds between becoming activated and saying something you spend the next three days apologizing for? If you are lonely, what are you doing, or not doing, that keeps you isolated? If you hate your job, your health, your relationships, or where your life is heading, what decisions have you been putting off because making them would be uncomfortable?

Those are the kinds of conversations we have. Uncomfortable conversations, for sure. But how else are we going to actually fix the problem if we don’t iron it all out?

I’m not particularly interested in helping someone become incredibly articulate about why his life sucks while continuing to live exactly the same way. Insight matters. Understanding matters. Validation matters. Compassion absolutely matters. But eventually, insight has to turn into behavior. Otherwise, we have just become very sophisticated at explaining our problems.

The Warrior Monk approach is built around that transition from understanding to action.

The “Warrior” represents discipline, courage, responsibility, decisiveness, strength, and the willingness to move toward difficult things instead of continually avoiding them. The “Monk” represents reflection, restraint, humility, compassion, mindfulness, wisdom, and the ability to observe what is happening inside ourselves without immediately acting on every thought or emotion that wanders through our head.

Both matter.

A Warrior without the Monk can become aggressive, impulsive, rigid, feral, controlling, and convinced that yelling louder somehow makes him more correct.

A Monk without the Warrior can spend years contemplating the meaning of life while never actually getting off the couch and changing anything.

The goal is integration.

We want men who can be strong without becoming cruel, compassionate without becoming passive, confident without becoming arrogant, disciplined without becoming rigid, and emotionally aware without allowing every emotion to grab the steering wheel.

That is self-mastery.

And self-mastery is very different from emotional suppression.

A lot of men grew up with some version of “suck it up,” “drive on,” or “nobody cares how you feel.” There is a time and place for putting emotions aside and handling business. I served in environments where that ability can be incredibly useful. The problem comes when the emergency ends and nobody ever flips the switch back.

Then “maintaining your bearing” becomes emotional suppression. Independence becomes isolation. Toughness becomes an inability to ask for help. Protectiveness becomes control. Anger becomes the one emotion we’re allowed to display because apparently sadness needs a permission slip, but punching a wall somehow counts as masculinity.

That isn’t strength.

The goal is learning to experience emotion without automatically becoming controlled by it. You can be angry without becoming aggressive. You can be afraid without running away. You can be hurt without pretending you don’t care. You can hear criticism without immediately preparing a closing argument for the Supreme Court about why you are actually right.

That space between what happens to you and what you choose to do next is where a lot of personal growth happens.

Another major part of the group is brotherhood.

As men get older, meaningful friendships with other men often start disappearing. We have coworkers. We have acquaintances. We have guys we exchange memes with. We may have a buddy we watch football with or send inappropriate videos to at 11:30 at night.

But how many men actually have other men in their lives who know what is going on beneath the surface?

More importantly, how many have friends willing to tell them the truth?

A healthy brotherhood does not mean everybody agrees with you, tells you how awesome you are, and supports every questionable decision you make because “bros support bros.”

Sometimes brotherhood means putting an arm around another man.

Sometimes it means listening.

Sometimes it means saying, “I understand. I’ve been there.”

And sometimes it means looking him directly in the eye and saying, “Brother, I love you, but you are completely full of shit right now.”

That can also be therapeutic.

The strength of a men’s group is that I am not the only person in the room with something useful to offer. Every man comes in with experience. One guy has survived divorce. Another has figured out fatherhood after growing up without a father. Another has gotten sober. Another has rebuilt a marriage. Another has recovered from failure, trauma, depression, financial disaster, loss, career burnout, or some other chapter of life that another man may just be entering.

Your worst season may eventually become the wisdom that helps another man survive his.

That is powerful.

We also talk about the stuff that actually affects men’s lives: marriage, relationships, fatherhood, sex, attachment, anger, trauma, addiction, leadership, communication, boundaries, purpose, discipline, loneliness, emotional regulation, masculinity, mental health, career transitions, failure, success, identity, and what it means to become the kind of man your family, friends, and community can depend on.

Some conversations will be serious. Some will be uncomfortable. Some will probably piss you off a little.

“Good!” (Jocko, 2016)

Growth occasionally does that.

Some conversations will also be hilarious because a room full of men discussing their screw-ups eventually becomes pretty damn funny once everybody realizes nobody has this whole life thing figured out.

And that is important too.

This group is not about creating perfect men. Perfect men do not exist, and anybody claiming otherwise is probably selling a course for $4,997 that comes with a free cold-plunge guide.

The goal is simply to become better.

More self-aware. More disciplined. More emotionally regulated. More dependable. More courageous. More compassionate. Better husbands. Better fathers. Better partners. Better friends. Better leaders. Better at admitting when we screwed up and better at fixing it afterward.

You also do not need to be in crisis to belong here. You do not need a diagnosis. You do not have to believe that you “need therapy.” Maybe life is genuinely going pretty well and you simply understand that growth is never finished.

Maybe your marriage could be stronger. Maybe you are struggling with anger. Maybe you have lost your sense of purpose. Maybe fatherhood has exposed parts of yourself you were not expecting. Maybe you are successful professionally but quietly wondering why success does not feel the way you thought it would. Maybe life has recently kicked you squarely in the nuts and you are trying to figure out what comes next.

Whatever brings you in, you do not have to show up with the answers.

You just have to be willing to participate.

The Warrior Monk Men’s Group meets every Wednesday at 6:00 p.m. Pacific, completely online, and sessions are only $40 per meeting.

You can join from home, talk with other men who are actually willing to have meaningful conversations, get some perspective, laugh a little, probably get challenged occasionally, and walk away with something concrete to work on before the next meeting.

Come prepared to talk.

Come prepared to listen.

Come prepared to laugh.

Come prepared to get uncomfortable once in a while.

Come prepared to challenge some of your own bullshit.

Most importantly, come prepared to do something with what you learn!!!!

You do not need to have everything figured out.

None of us do!

You just need to show up and be willing to do the work.

Wednesdays at 6:00 p.m. Pacific. Fully online. $40 per session.
Email me at Chris@WarriorMonkMPC.com to get registered today! Space is limited!

If that sounds like your kind of men’s group, reach out to Warrior Monk Mental Performance & Counseling and let’s get you involved.

Let’s get to work!